Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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