first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
