haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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