Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
