did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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