but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
