actually, I'm a sock model
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
