"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
