im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i think i have two assholes
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
