god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
