i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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