i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
