I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
