I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
True strength comes from lack of pants
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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