Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
