Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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