I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
