I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize