i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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