Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
