Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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