spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
