I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You are the jesus of drinking