Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
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i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.