tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.