SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.