Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
