God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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