By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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