I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
