well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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