I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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