Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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