Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
