Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
no. you can't hotbox the world.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
