Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
