This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
