I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
