How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
