Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
