I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
