You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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