You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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