Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
