hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
