Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
