happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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