Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
