Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
