we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
