I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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