Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
