4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
