ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
