The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
