we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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