I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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