I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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