Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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