You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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