So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
