xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
